“This Wine’s So Good, Let’s Try the Punchline!”

On the Internet you can find some pretty funny Bible jokes and riddles. I don’t make any such promises here. Keep reading at your own peril if you’d like to pun-ish yourself.

At the wedding in Cana of Galilee, Mary coaxed Jesus to do His first miracle — and we’re talking public one because His first miracle was living till then without one single sin! Some people probably think He blew it right then and there when He turned 6 firkins of water into wine. I can just hear Bill Cosby now:  “Right, what’s a firkin!” Well, they were waterpots containing 20 to 30 gallons apiece. Jewish weddings were big community events and lasted days.

So the master of the wedding feast tastes the transformed H2O and exclaims to the bridegroom that hosts usually offer their best stuff first and save the inferior for when “the guests have well drunk.” He is reputed to have remarked “This wine’s so good, let’s try the punchline!”

Hope you’re not lining up to clobber me, ‘cause if you tend to pity those of low estate, you might care about who’s the shortest person in the Bible. In reality it’s probably that wee little man Zaccheus, a wee little man was he, who climbed up the sycamore tree. This tax collector was looking to Jesus to rise above the circumstances in his life. Jokesters, heightened by the sound of his name, think Zaccheus should be thought of as a locksmith. Hah, could he even reach up to a jammed lock to get any cheus to work?

The shortest person? Somebody else of macabre taste might opt for the prophet Isaiah because tradition says he was sawn in half by King Manasseh. That’s too painful to even think about.

OK, who really is the shortest? Bildad the Shuhite? That’s the witty concensus.

But if you listen to the prophet sawn asunder, he writes (40:17) that all nations “are counted by Him less than nothing.” Put away your tape measure. We all come up a little short.

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FUN FACT: One reason moose like to live in North America is that we’re the tallest mammal here. From hoof to shoulder we can stretch up to 6 ft. 7 in. That’s not counting our massive horns on males. We can’t help it if we look down on you except for some of your basketball players.

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