How Moose Evolved Hollow Hair

“Moose evolved hollow hair that enables them to float in water.” Your teachers and textbooks state this as being matter-of-factly so. But I’ll bet some of you are thinking, rather than bowing to such blanket doctrinal pronouncements: “Get real! Even given all the time in the world, how would I ever make my hair become hollow? Never mind a dumb animal figuring it out!”

Well, don’t pull yours out trying, if you want to know how moose evolved hollow hair, shouldn’t you go straight to the horse’s mouth!  Not literally, of course, because they’re bound to be naysayers.

Instead, just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale … wait, that’s Gilligan’s Isle, but it also happened to be where our heroic ancestor, Hoodwinkle the Moose, was facing the imminent hair-raising prospect of extinction. Here’s the rather unbelievable story in his own words:

“Once upon a time, the earth was filling up with water. All land was disappearing. One after the other each remaining moose was forced to walk the plank into the rising bog. Solid hair covering bulky body, each drowned.

“Quick, think fast! A cow in front of me was crying desperately for a solution so I gave her what I had: sprayed her down with 10 aerosol cans of Miss Clairol Soft and Silky. She drowned. But you’ve never seen hair so breathtaking!

“The bull just in front of me was bellowing — and it was the first of April not September — at me for some magical way to pierce a hole in each precious hair, but I didn’t know the drill. Sounded like a pipedream. Before I could think of anything, he jumped off a cliff into a cavern full of cactus. His wishful thinking was poked full of holes. And the pincushion drowned.

“I was the only moose left. Never mind who’s the fittest? It was do or drown. If I failed, there would be no intermediate species, which Charles Darwin predicted would be the downfall of his theory.

“I dove into the water with eyes and mouth wide open. I didn’t hold my nose. No plugs in my ears. The water rushed in and scoured every area of my inner head.

“And that’s how moose evolved hollow hair. We’ve all been brainwashed ever since.”

Oh boy, what a story! It takes a lot less faith to believe that praise God, we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

__________

FUN FACT: Our fur is generally black or brown. Our young have a reddish brown coat. In addition to helping us float, our hollow hair provides wonderful insulation from the cold. And I’ll bet God knows the number of our hollow hairs!

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